Valois - good for mandates and girlfriend. Or both at the same time

There were no third wheels on this tricycle. On Saturday, Chittlins, Coolwhip and I went to Valois (1518 E 53rd St) for a post-bacchanal pre-mass brunch. Fortunately the venue provides some anonymity making it the perfect place for a morning-after brunch. Also, let’s face it, its in Hyde Park. Who are you going to run into there? Not that anyone in our threesome had anything to hide. (Although the coats and sweaters on Chittlin’s bed might have a different story to tell.)

Before I get to the food, let me back up for a minute. Two weeks ago, Chittlins marked my triumphant return to Chicago by picking me up in his ride and taking Sizzelnuts and I out for a walk on the beach. If we were in a romantic comedy, we would have taken off our sandals, sat on the pier and made fun of people with metal detectors rummaging in the sand. Wait, that’s exactly what we did. We also tossed around the ‘what does it all mean’ discussion and finished off with berating Chittlins for parking the Scion 2 miles from the beach. The rest of the afternoon was lost in a haze of Chittlins one-liners and Lakers basketball.

Back to the food. Valois claims they should be patronized because only there, can you ‘see your food’. Presumably they are referring to the customer’s ability to watch their food being prepared by the 3 short-order chefs. Unfortunately, their intentions here are better than the resulting effect. ‘Seeing your food’ at Valois should be left to those with a stronger stomach than this patron. I don’t mind the occasional misplaced hair or stray eyelash in my food; I just don’t want to see the Eastern European cook from whence it came.

The whole experience starts with the ordering and finishes 10 feet away at the cash register. Between trying to ‘see your food’, navigating the line and answering the 43 questions (“hash browns? toast? brown/white? keep moving, OJ? coffee? butter? sugar?...” ) seeing the cash register is a relief. After that, the Valois experience becomes a Burger King or Arby’s experience. There’s nothing unique about it.

I ordered the Vegetable Omelet with cheese, hash browns, brown toast, an orange juice and a coffee. All under $8. Good, Clean Licks came under budget for once. The hash browns carried the dish; they were pan fried and left a little raw. The cheese tasted like it was in liquid form before it even got to the omelet, that’s an extra that should be avoided. Overall though, there was satisfaction all around. Coolwhip had the pancakes and Chittlins ordered the French toast. And outside, the Hyde Park Coffee Angels were bringing hot Dunkin Donuts coffee to the homeless. It warmed the heart.