Salam - a hummusy bridge to the heart

For our dedicated readers, consisting entirely of people who write this blog and people who appear on this blog, the new installment of GCL has been a long time coming. In my defense I had finals for which I didn’t particularly study for and dates with women that didn’t particularly like me. Procrastination and frustrated courtship are time consuming activities that leave little for self-involved food blogging.


At Chlodnik favorite Salam (4636 N Kedzie Ave) in the heart of Albany Park's Middle Eastern community, the vegetarian selections so overpowered the meat choices that it was criminal…were that disparity personified in a troubled and misunderstood jazz great, it would go by Felonious Monk. The Halal meat dishes were satisfactory; neither breaking new ground nor resetting the scale for Middle Eastern fare. Still the labna, fried cheese, and lentil soup earned a GCL first – a golden marker denoting a Chittlins fave on the GCL food map - solely on the strength of the vegetarian menu. This is of particular accomplishment considering that they neither serve nor allow booze on the premises.

The flavors were layered, though not nearly as complex as our diners’ personal lives, which if they were a food, could only exist as dishes in the nightmare kitchen of depraved, manic genius Thai chef. In her GCL debut, I Am The Law shared a her man troubles in a story that managed to make the emotionally retarded child that resides in the husk of this humble food voyeur seem like a positively well-adjusted understander of women. Any breakup email that starts with, “How was your trip to X? I hope you found the man of your dreams while there!” promises off-the-chart scores on Wow-Even-An-Emotionally-Retarded-Child-Like-Chittlins-Knows-Not-To-Do-That scale. This is of particular accomplishment considering that there has never been a woman that I’ve had a relationship with that hasn’t deserved an apology (“relationship” here defined as anything from a romantic liaison on through sharing an elevator).